I am about 4 weeks into the American dream, and I hate it right now. I am not sleeping enough, I arrive home tired and cranky to my boyfriend, and I don't have time to take care of myself.

The combination of working and grad school is kicking my butt. But it's going to be over soon, and I hope things get better once the Masters is done. But there's a part of me questioning whether this is the life I want or not. Don't worry, everyone... I'm not quitting my job; I'm not leaving the apartment; I'm not going back to Guinea. Well, not yet. But to a small piece of me, it all sounds appealing.

We'll see how long I last here in the real world.

So, I was all excited to go to the Sushi Boat last night. I got all pretty after the gym, Reid looked good, we jumped into the car, and my spirits were high. After all, who doesn't love to go back to their favorite restaurant after a 16 month hiatus?

We drove all the way down I-25, exited on Hampden, made a left on Locust, and turned into the parking lot. But everything was dark. "Maybe I am in the wrong parking lot. Where did the Sushi Boat go?" I asked myself. I looked around a bit more, and then I noticed the last remnant of the Sushi Boat - a giant wooden boat on top of the building that used to say to me, "Welcome, Amy. It's great to see you again! Come and let me get you a caterpillar roll and an asparagus roll. We know they are your favorites! Oh, and for dessert, let me bring you two beautiful pieces of unagi." Well, last night, the boat on top of my favorite sushi place no longer talked to me. Everything was dark. The Sushi Boat had been boarded up and closed down.

Now, I know it wasn't the most popular place. I know the people of Denver always prefer the Sushi Den. In fact, before I left for Guinea, I called to make reservations for my party, and they asked me, "Wait, a reservation for 20 people? This is the Sushi BOAT, not the Sushi Den. Ma'am, did you mean to call the Sushi Den?" No I did not! I love you, my dearest Sushi Boat!

It makes sense they couldn't stay open. Often Heather and I were one of three tables seated on Friday night. But they never brought me a bite of sushi I didn't like.

They will be missed. Now, where am I supposed to go????

Let's Celebrate!

This man is about to start working for a law firm:

Yes, Reid got a job! I will tell you all more about it (i.e. brag about my amazing boyfriend) soon!

Rainy thoughts

I told Reid it never rained here. I told him it woud always be sunny. But today, it's pouring. Horizontally. It's cold. Honestly, it's the perfect day to stay inside with a great book, but I have to head to work instead. I guess most people have to do the same. Except for the last year and a half, I didn't have to. For the last year and a half, I was able to stay indoors on days like this, enjoying a cup of tea and some rest, but that life is over, isn't it? Instead, I trudge through the rain to come to work hoping my hair doesn't get wet, my computer stays safely dry, and my pants don't get ruined.

It's quite the change, but it is time....

Interview

Reid has an interview today, and I am the one who is nervous. Well, so is he, but anyway....

I know he is going to be amazing and have a Denver job in no time!

Good luck, honey!

My Guinea Stuff

I was evacuated in January. The stuff I packed in my house in Siguiri may get to me by August. Here's the email I received today:

"I’m sure many of you are wondering about the status of the baggage you shipped from Guinea. Here is what I can tell you: The shipment is being sent by sea freight and will not arrive in the United States for at least another three months."

Thanks Peace Corps for getting the job done, but in the lengthiest manner possible.

So, it's supposedly going to snow tonight. Accumulation up to 12 inches in Denver is possible. I come home from Mali, barely escaping the oncoming hot season, but you know what I didn't escape? Denver's late spring snows.... Grrr.... I don't even know if I have gloves.

Happy Birthday, Mom!!!

I apologize for the oversight, everyone, but I left something

out of the last entry that was critical:

THANK YOU, my MK, for helping me get a job so quickly and being a shoulder to lean on as I resettled. You have made my 1st month back so much better, you have no idea. I love you!

On track....

So, life has been getting better. The apartment is lookin' good with its new furniture (pictures to come really soon, Guinea soon that is....), and I am loving living with Reid. After making a bomb middle eastern lunch for my mom and our landlord, we sit here, each in our comfy chairs, each with a laptop and a cup of homemade chicken soup (it's been snowing here). It's quite cute, really. And it feels right.

Oh, and sorry I didn't mention it sooner, but I GOT A JOB! I will be a program coordinator at the Institute of Leadership and Organizational Performance (aka, The Institute) at Daniels College of Business at DU. I will be helping to organize all the events of the Insitute, including Second Friday Seminars and the custom programs Daniels does for Denver businesses like Kaiser Permanente and Newmont Mining (they mine gold in Northern Ghana!). It's going to be a great job with a great group of people, and I can't wait to start. Although I know when I start, I give up the Peace Corps way of life (meaning 4-5 hours of work, MAX, a day). But it's gotta happen and I have to pay some bills, so "hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to the real job I go."

Life is going well, and it's only going to get better!

Insomnia

I know I haven't written since I have been home. There's a reason. There's nothing I am comfortable with sharing. I opened up blogger many times to share the small stuff I have done in Ameriki. I got a fancy iPod. I have an apartment. I got a car. It's red and gorgeous, and the pictures would make you all smile for me. Especially if you knew how much I loved Ricki, my old car. My new car is like a revamped Ricki, and I am supposed to be happy. I was going to tell everyone about how great life was with this new red dream, but the truth is the car stresses me out.

Pretty much everything stresses me out these days. Readjustment's a bitch. So many decisions to make, no time to make them. And each time I make a decision, I second guess it every time I think about it. I got a new apartment which is pretty - just as pretty as my car - but it has caused me more stress than happiness. Is Reid going to like it? Are we going to make a good life there? Can I pay the rent? Where will my shoes go? Could we have gotten a cheaper one? But in the same neighborhood? Is the commute going to be annoying? Are the gym/ roads/ building/ supermarket going to be too crowded, making me wish I lived in the less hectic suburbs? I can't even list all the questions I have asked myself about every single decision I have made.

All this adds up to one thing: I feel more insecure and scared than I think I have ever been. Don't laugh. It IS more difficult than leaving for Guinea.

But, just as in the past, I know in my brain it will all work out. I know I will love the apartment, the car, the job, the classes. I know I can handle it all in the long run. I am good at this stuff. That's what my brain says. But my nerves say something different. I am terrified. I am out (way far out) of my comfort zone.

But life is dreadful inside the comfort zone. I can't stay in there too long. Every year or two I need to be scared. I need life to challenge me and I need to conquer it. And I will conquer it. But it's a process. And writing my first honest blog entry from America is a step in the right direction. I am being honest, not only with all of you, but with myself.

I am done ignoring the pain, the fear, the discomfort, the anxiety.... I am going to feel it all, be aware of it, and live. Isn't it times like this that make me feel most alive? I am experiencing the true spectrum of emotion, and in the ashes of a great loss, I am going to rebuild and live on. And I will be put together and happy again soon.....

A New Video (the other one disappeared)

Back in the Developed World and Not Happy About It

I am sick of travelling. I just want to come home. I really need to start living a life that doesn´t involve a backpack. I am tired.

I just found out the Nortons (the American missionary family) are going back to Siguiri, and it just breaks my heart. In fact, I teared up at this little internet cafe as I read their email. I am very jealous. I would give anything to still be in Bamako getting ready to go back. I am angry and confused. I know I have a lot to look forward to at home, but I truly feel like I had spent so much time working towards my second year, and it was all ripped away from me. I worked for a year to learn a language, make friends, feel comfortable, learn how to eat, do laundry, learn everything. The second year was supposed to be the comfortable time that was going to make up for all the hell I had gone through in the first. My projects were finally going to start working; my relationships were finally strong; my life in Siguiri was finally enjoyable. And then it was all taken away. All I want right now is to go back. I am grieving from a loss that was out of my control, and my life will never be the same. I need to find a way to let go and be happy again, but I am not really sure how to start.

After 12 days in Morocco, Reid and I have traveled about an hour down the coast from Barcelona to a town called Sitges - a cute village right on the Mediterranean. It´s gorgeous and the sun was out today and we ate cheese and chorizo and crackers on the beach, but I just wanted to go back to the hotel and nap. Who isn´t happy when they lie on the beach facing the green blue Mediterranean? I think I am depressed, and I need some support to start dealing with all of this.

At least I have a wonderful place to go home to. If I can´t be in Siguiri, there is no better place than Denver. I will be coming home soon.

I am no longer a Peace Corps volunteer. I had waited so long to become a PCV, and now it's over. In a flash, it all disappeared. I finished up medical yesterday, my DOS and everything else today. And then I said good-bye to all of my amazing friends here. Now, I wait for my bus. It's over.

At least I have something good to look forward to. Slowly, we have been worki ng back towards the developed world. First we upgraded from Guinea to Mali. Tonight, I am flying from Bamako to Morocco with Reid and Sarah for 12 days. Another step up. After that, Reid and I are off to Spain for 10 days of so. And then, home to Denver.

I am not sure if I am ready for it or not.

But a good shower and comfy bed sure does sound nice. It's been quite a year.

Take a Peek

The following statement comes from Omali Yeshitela, Chairman of the Interim Committee of the African Socialist International (ASI). The ASI has as its historical mission the unification and liberation of Africa under an all-African socialist government under the leadership of the African working class and poor peasantry. The ASI calls on all who receive this document to forward it to as many contacts as possible and distribute it around the world in order to lend support to the just struggles on the ground in Guinea-Conakry, West Africa.

http://www.indybay.org/newsitems/2007/02/16/18364399.php

Discuss amongst yourselves.....

Conakry Manifestations

Found this video of protestors being dispersed by the military.

Martial Law Declared

Guinea's military enforce martial law to end unrest

By Mohamed Camara CONAKRY, Feb 13 (Reuters)

Guinea's military clamped a security lock on the capital Conakry and other towns on Tuesday after President Lansana Conte declared martial law in the West African state to stamp out violent protests against his rule.

Heavily armed soldiers and police patrolled the largely deserted streets of the dilapidated seaside capital, enforcing a strict curfew that will only allow people out of their homes for four hours, between 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. Residents said they saw truckloads of helmeted troops in camouflage fatigues heading out of the city. Other major towns, such as Kankan and Nzerekore in the east, were also reported to be under tight military control.

"There is heavy deployment of soldiers at crossroads, controls have been stepped up," said one Conakry resident, who asked not to be named. Conte went on state TV and radio on Monday night to announce the military crackdown, which will last until Feb. 23. It was aimed at quelling a wave of riots and looting across the country that accompanied the relaunch by unions on Monday of a general strike opposing the president's 23-year rule.

Union leaders say Conte, a reclusive, chain-smoking diabetic in his 70s, is no longer fit to rule Guinea, the world's No. 1 exporter of bauxite. Foreign-run bauxite mining operations have been disrupted by the strike and protests. At least nine people were killed in clashes between protesters and security forces on Monday.

This brought to more than 110 the number of people killed since early January in union-led protests against Conte. The martial law decree gives sweeping powers to the military, which has backed Conte since he took over in a 1984 coup, to arrest anyone suspected of threatening state security.

The measures also forbid all public meetings and empower the military to censor newspapers and all radio and television broadcasts. The army can also monitor private communications, such as telephone calls, faxes and emails.

PERSECUTION FEARS

Union and opposition leaders said they were being watched and feared persecution. "There's no mediation right now. We're on the look-out because in a state of siege, the only order is military order ... we're all under surveillance at home," said union negotiator Ousmane Souare.

Unions resumed the nationwide stoppage after Conte named a close ally, Eugene Camara, as prime minister on Friday. Union leaders said this violated a power-sharing deal to end an 18-day strike last month which left more than 90 people dead and tested Conte's grip on power. Opposition leaders said they did not believe the declaration of martial law would stifle the popular pressure for change.

"Either Conte leaves or he names someone else. If he names someone and the people accept, things will calm down," said one political opponent, Mamadou Ba. "I don't think he realises that the crisis needs to be resolved through dialogue," he added. State TV and radio played music and repeated excerpts of the martial law decree announced by Conte, who wore a white robe and white cap during his broadcast.

Conakry residents said the sound of heavy gunfire was heard overnight coming from the November 8 highway bridge that leads into the city's administrative centre. It was not clear what caused the shooting.

It's Official

Peace Corps has suspended its program in Guinea.

I am coming home.

Guinea in Flames

Last night, the president, Lansana Conte, finally named a new prime minister for Guinea. His choice was Eugene Camara, a long-time friend of his who will never question his actions or actually assert any power. This is basically a slap in the face of the Guinean population, and the people are pissed. Apparently, they are out in the streets again, ready to die for change.

Today, the violence has been worse than the bad day two weeks ago. We are hearing reports of people dying all across the country. I have heard that the people of Siguiri have ransacked the house of the Minster of Finance (who is from my town), people burned a soldier alive who had shot four people in Kankan, and the president's entourage killed a young boy on their way to his hometown.

Doesn't look like we're going back....

BBCNews Article from Today

Conakry, 2 weeks ago

"We are ready to die for change."

Mudcropolis

I am not sure if I am happy or not to be back in the simulated village of Tubaniso outside of Bamako.

Our trip to Djenne and Mopti was amazing, tiring, beautiful, annoying, energizing, and everything in between. On Friday morning, we left before dawn to catch a bus up the main paved road in Mali to the junction with the road to Djenne. This was a novelty to me because in Guinea, we don’t have anything but taxis (painful) and mini-buses (more painful). We were so excited to have our own seats in a bus and be on the road by 7:30, we didn’t realize there was absolutely NO VENTILATION. We were seriously trapped in a moving steamer for 10 hours traveling towards the Sahara. I think I would have preferred a camel. But we made it to the junction and got off the bus (the bus almost drove away with Reid still on) and waited for a couple of hours for our taxi to leave for Djenne. I learned that taxis are just as ghetto here as they are in Guinea when Reid and I stuffed in to share the front seat, but halfway to Djenne, the door flew open and Reid almost fell out. Yay, Africa.

We arrived before sundown, found a hotel, ate, and settled in. We woke up early the next morning for our grand 3 hour tour of the desert town. Djenne is a town made completely out of mudstone, lots of mudstone, and when you walk around, you truly feel transported back in time. Their mosque, the largest mudstone structure in the world, was huge and very impressive. Unfortunately, we “couldn’t” go inside (we could have if we paid the right person enough money), but the architecture was astounding. Guinea has nothing like it. In the afternoon, we took a horse cart out to a Peul village and a Bozo village to see more amazing mud structures and be harassed by more annoying children.

The next day, we took a minibus (more painful) to Mopti, a large port town along the Niger River. This is where the salt arrives from Timbuktu, which of course, made me the happiest person ever. I am officially obsessed with the desert and the camel caravans that transport salt and other goods. The salt has been mined from dried lakes in the Sahara for centuries and transported on the camel caravans to Timbuktu and then sent via boat along the Niger to Mopti. And there I stood, watching boats arrive from Timbuktu unloading slabs of salt. I tasted one. It was a huge dirty chunk of pure salt from the Sahara, transported for hundreds of miles via camel caravan and the river. Guess what it tasted like. Salty. But what an amazing trip that piece of salt made!

Our return trip to Bamako was similarly hot, sweaty, but fast. After a loooong trip to see some mud and taste some salt, I was glad to return back to hot baths and good (free) food. But this week, we are starting our In-Service Training, which means I am going to be sitting in 100 degree heat being trained on things that I may never be able to put into practice if we don’t go back to Guinea. Sounds like fun?

We still don’t know anything about returning to Guinea or transferring somewhere else. We are all just waiting some more, which is a bit painful, but I always said Peace Corps was going to teach me patience (and I'm alright as long as I keep getting per diem!). I will keep you guys updated as new information arrives.