I am sick of travelling. I just want to come home. I really need to start living a life that doesn´t involve a backpack. I am tired.
I just found out the Nortons (the American missionary family) are going back to Siguiri, and it just breaks my heart. In fact, I teared up at this little internet cafe as I read their email. I am very jealous. I would give anything to still be in Bamako getting ready to go back. I am angry and confused. I know I have a lot to look forward to at home, but I truly feel like I had spent so much time working towards my second year, and it was all ripped away from me. I worked for a year to learn a language, make friends, feel comfortable, learn how to eat, do laundry, learn everything. The second year was supposed to be the comfortable time that was going to make up for all the hell I had gone through in the first. My projects were finally going to start working; my relationships were finally strong; my life in Siguiri was finally enjoyable. And then it was all taken away. All I want right now is to go back. I am grieving from a loss that was out of my control, and my life will never be the same. I need to find a way to let go and be happy again, but I am not really sure how to start.
After 12 days in Morocco, Reid and I have traveled about an hour down the coast from Barcelona to a town called Sitges - a cute village right on the Mediterranean. It´s gorgeous and the sun was out today and we ate cheese and chorizo and crackers on the beach, but I just wanted to go back to the hotel and nap. Who isn´t happy when they lie on the beach facing the green blue Mediterranean? I think I am depressed, and I need some support to start dealing with all of this.
At least I have a wonderful place to go home to. If I can´t be in Siguiri, there is no better place than Denver. I will be coming home soon.
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3 comments:
honey, i'm so sorry that this story is ending so differently than the ending you had planned for years, which grew more lush and detailed with every moment you spent in country. i am very happy that you are safe and that you are coming back to the US for very selfish reasons - and i really can't wait until you're in DC. i have missed you so much!
i love you! xoxoxo
Amy,
Hey, I wish I could say it gets easier once you get to the States...and I wanted to leave, hell I ETed.
Hopefully you can travel back once they re-open the program or maybe with a NGO...I know you'll figure out how to process everything and get the closure you need. Not that it can happen tomorrow but you'll find it.
My door/phone is open, call to bitch, cry, gripe, whine, celebrate whatever...that goes for Reid too and all of G11.
Kathryn was here with me this week and it's the most "normal" I've felt in months and hands down the best days I've had since I got back.
I'm thinking of planning a reunion next summer, around the time we should have all been coming home.
My heart breaks for everyone who didn't want to leave and didn't have a choice. I'm here to support you if you want it.
Hugs,
Rasa
I am sorry things are so hard right now. I am sure you are not alone in your feelings of dissapointment. Good luck with your transition. Thanks again for all you shared in your blog.
MJ/Serenity
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